There is no set time for grieving. When you are "supposed" to feel better, it does not arrive politely or depart. It comes in silence, waves, loops, and occasionally even laughter. I once believed that grief had a conclusion. I’ve learned it doesn’t—it simply changes shape.

Please know that you are not broken or alone if you are currently grieving.

The "Five Stages" Myth

The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are well-known. Grief, however, is not a straight line, and these "stages" may seem more like a disorganized cycle than a defined course. I have gone through all five, sometimes in one day. And occasionally, none at all.

There is not a proper way to mourn. Only your way.

What Grief Looked Like for Me

When I lost a loved one, I expected to be sad. However, I was not prepared for the fogginess, fatigue, or odd sense of guilt I felt for experiencing anything other than pain. Three days after the funeral, I was embarrassed when I laughed at a meme. I was unable to tolerate silence, so I spent the entire night scrolling.

Grief is disorientation, not just sadness. When a piece of your world is gone, it is like trying to rebuild it.

What Was Beneficial (And What Wasn't)

Some people remained silent because they were unsure of what to say. Others attempted to "fix" it by offering suggestions. I have discovered that those who are grieving do not seek answers. They want space. Presence. Gentle love, and Emotional Support.

What I found most helpful:

• Friends who truly meant it when they said, "I am here if you need me.

• Letting myself cry—or not cry—without judgment.

• Therapy. Talking out loud made things real and manageable.

• Nature. Even sitting by a tree helped me feel held.

Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" and "at least they are in a better place" did not help. Even well-meaning words can land hard when your heart is raw.

Not just moving on, but finding meaning

We are not trying to "get over it." You carry on with someone you love in a different way rather than moving on from them. I eventually began to wonder: What would they want for me right now? How can my lifestyle respect their memory?

Gratitude softened the pain. I developed compassion through pain. That was the beginning of healing—not forgetting, but remembering in a new way.

Providing Grief Support to Others

If you know someone who is in mourning:

• Take your time with them. Not everything can be "fixed" by time.

• Refrain from giving cliched advice. Just show up.

• Check in weeks or months later—grief lingers after the dust is settled.

• Ask, “What do you need right now?” or offer something tangible: a lunch date, a walk, a hug.

Small kindnesses carry enormous weight in grief.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Grief is the price of love. If you’re hurting, it means you’ve loved deeply—and that’s something beautiful, even in the pain.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You’re allowed to take your time. Breathe. Cry. Laugh. Sit in silence. Reach out. There is no wrong way through this.

You're still healing, and that’s holy work.